Note: This is the poem I wrote for the literary magazine 'The Catalyst' at Sky View High School. Keep in mind, I am not a poet, nor do I usually write poems. But once in a while, if the emotions demand it, I find there is no other way to satisfy my thirst.
There’s that vicious kind of love
Where all you can do is hurt yourself
You’ve grown so use to indulging the other
You’ve forgotten the pleasures of self indulgence
And as the Earth turns,
People progress
Life changes
But you remain, constantly immovable
We all see your internal bleeding
Your love
It domineers your psyche
Tells you how to suffer
Is love worth the bruises?
You’re covered in lies and rumors
Your love speaks of fidelity as casually as acquaintance
And yet you fail to see anything but perfection in the most
imperfect being
If your love is all love, I don’t want it
I’ve been born anew from your ashes
Like some prodigal phoenix
I fly above it all
The sky turns to horizon as the hopes of freedom uncover the
truth I hid my eyes from
You aren’t the one I want to waste my summers with
You’re far too fragile
Love has dug its claws deep inside you
And stripped you
Bare crimson flesh on display
For all the world’s fast moving fliers to see
Maybe I’ll swoop in someday
I’ll hope to see you happy
I’ll hope that love hasn’t ripped you completely to shreds
I hope, in a mass of your own blood stained feathers, you’ll
rise above it
You’ll fly
A wing span too wide to fathom
An angel without cause
You’ll receive what your pure heart deserves most
But until then, I can’t worry for you
My days are far too open
Far too free
And I can’t be dragged down
By your woes of love lost and love anew
Your kind of love is blind
If it saw what it had, it wouldn’t speak so ill of you
But your love is vicious
That vicious kind of hope
False and absent
Monday, April 9, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
A Cynic's Meditation on Easter, Spring Break, and New Beginnnings?
I haven't the slightest idea why, but I find the rituals of Easter to be fairly mundane. As a child of an LDS household, I understand the spiritual reasonings with celebrating the holiday, but how did bunnies, ducklings, and artificially colored eggs become symbols of the holiday which we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ? This is something I've never understood. I suppose it's sort of useless to consider something I can't change. Easter is Easter. Christmas is Christmas. We paint on happy faces and celebrate like we've taken a double dose of Prozac. Maybe that's my issue with holidays. Why is this day so special, that I should feign happiness? I maintain that one should only be happy if one is choosing to be.
Spring break is over, far too quickly. I feel as though spring break is like that show that premieres in the fall. We all get hooked on it, we tune in every week, we converse about it, and it is inevitably cancelled far too soon. Do you remember Pushing Daisies? Or Firefly? Or Dollhouse? Spring break is a lot like those TV shows. It shows promise, but it ends FAR too soon. I'm still mad about Pushing Daisies. Ned and Chuck never really got together. ISN'T THAT FRUSTRATING?! But unlike past spring breaks, this one has been especially fulfilling. I've spent the vast majority of my LAST high school spring break spending time with friends. I've done everything from see a badly directed, poorly casted stage version of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog to dying my hair red to buying my first jock strap. Yes, it was incredibly weird to buy a jock strap. The things I do for the theatre...
I've recently come to the realization that I am a whore for a good Broadway musical soundtrack. One night this week, as I was driving home from the shenanigans of the night, a mix I had made of ballads sung by female characters in more recent Broadway musicals was playing (The Addams Family, Sister Act, Avenue Q, etc.) was playing over my 1999 Altima's admittedly crappy sound system. After jamming out to Grey's Anatomy's Sara Ramirez singing The Diva's Lament from Spamalot (she was the ORIGINAL Lady of the Lake), a song I barely knew came over the speakers. The song in question is Will You, sung by the legendary Christine Ebersole on the cast recording of Grey Gardens. The last few lines got me thinking. They go as follows.
As I lay there wondering why,
Will you?
Time rushes by,
Memories fade,
Dreams never do.
I will be ever true,
Will you?
When it comes to show tunes, I always find that I am fairly picky in the songs I listen to repetitively. Not surprisingly, the songs that catch my attention are the songs that have some sort of meaning or resonance with whatever sort of angsty teenage drama is going on at the time. I am fairly close to graduating high school and, more than anything else, the most important thing to me is to maintain some of the friendships I've made in high school when I move on to college and whatever else that big ol' deity in the sky has planned for me. I've spent most of my time during this spring break with friends and nearly all of them are people I want to keep in my life (a couple can go, if I'm being honest). I've given up on those friendships I really don't see going anywhere, and to be frank, the liberation I feel is better than any two bit, run of the mill friendship. Why would you spend time with someone you don't even like? Welcome to the plagues of high school. Good thing I'm almost done.
As Christine Ebersole's beautiful mezzo-soprano voice glides over the notes of 'Will You', the lyrics ask if the love she has found in her life is as devoted to her as she is to it. And although I haven't a significant other or even a hint of a significant other, I began to think about the friends I have gained throughout my high school experience. Who has changed me, who has affected me, who has royally pissed me off, and who has made me incredibly uncomfortable. Once you actually consider who your best friends are, it's surprising to find out the results. You never know when someone you previously took for granted will end up being much more important to you in the grand scheme of things.
I once had a friend who told me they would help me through anything, they would be there through everything, and, in their words, 'I am yours'. This was a moment when I realized that friendship shouldn't have be a chore, or a trial, or a tribulation. Whoever the person, you should love them unconditionally. They will have flaws, but a healthy friendship should feel much like a sibling. You see their flaws, you acknowledge their weaknesses, and you embrace them anyway. You encourage and accept the person, scars and all. Love and friendship coincide like Laverne and Shirley. Love and friendship are the best of friends. And one of the best things I've ever done is leave the friendships I don't genuinely want to pursue as they are. If that person is meant to be in your life, they will show up again. Isn't this the same thing with breakups? I recently had a messy breakup myself, and although there are still strong lingering feelings of love and devotion, i know that it's better for the both of us to be apart for the time being. If destiny (this is where I REALLY hope there is some form of God) has determined that you will be with this person again, it will happen.
So how bout that? First blog post. I'm REALLY hoping I will keep this up.
Spring break is over, far too quickly. I feel as though spring break is like that show that premieres in the fall. We all get hooked on it, we tune in every week, we converse about it, and it is inevitably cancelled far too soon. Do you remember Pushing Daisies? Or Firefly? Or Dollhouse? Spring break is a lot like those TV shows. It shows promise, but it ends FAR too soon. I'm still mad about Pushing Daisies. Ned and Chuck never really got together. ISN'T THAT FRUSTRATING?! But unlike past spring breaks, this one has been especially fulfilling. I've spent the vast majority of my LAST high school spring break spending time with friends. I've done everything from see a badly directed, poorly casted stage version of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog to dying my hair red to buying my first jock strap. Yes, it was incredibly weird to buy a jock strap. The things I do for the theatre...
I've recently come to the realization that I am a whore for a good Broadway musical soundtrack. One night this week, as I was driving home from the shenanigans of the night, a mix I had made of ballads sung by female characters in more recent Broadway musicals was playing (The Addams Family, Sister Act, Avenue Q, etc.) was playing over my 1999 Altima's admittedly crappy sound system. After jamming out to Grey's Anatomy's Sara Ramirez singing The Diva's Lament from Spamalot (she was the ORIGINAL Lady of the Lake), a song I barely knew came over the speakers. The song in question is Will You, sung by the legendary Christine Ebersole on the cast recording of Grey Gardens. The last few lines got me thinking. They go as follows.
As I lay there wondering why,
Will you?
Time rushes by,
Memories fade,
Dreams never do.
I will be ever true,
Will you?
When it comes to show tunes, I always find that I am fairly picky in the songs I listen to repetitively. Not surprisingly, the songs that catch my attention are the songs that have some sort of meaning or resonance with whatever sort of angsty teenage drama is going on at the time. I am fairly close to graduating high school and, more than anything else, the most important thing to me is to maintain some of the friendships I've made in high school when I move on to college and whatever else that big ol' deity in the sky has planned for me. I've spent most of my time during this spring break with friends and nearly all of them are people I want to keep in my life (a couple can go, if I'm being honest). I've given up on those friendships I really don't see going anywhere, and to be frank, the liberation I feel is better than any two bit, run of the mill friendship. Why would you spend time with someone you don't even like? Welcome to the plagues of high school. Good thing I'm almost done.
As Christine Ebersole's beautiful mezzo-soprano voice glides over the notes of 'Will You', the lyrics ask if the love she has found in her life is as devoted to her as she is to it. And although I haven't a significant other or even a hint of a significant other, I began to think about the friends I have gained throughout my high school experience. Who has changed me, who has affected me, who has royally pissed me off, and who has made me incredibly uncomfortable. Once you actually consider who your best friends are, it's surprising to find out the results. You never know when someone you previously took for granted will end up being much more important to you in the grand scheme of things.
I once had a friend who told me they would help me through anything, they would be there through everything, and, in their words, 'I am yours'. This was a moment when I realized that friendship shouldn't have be a chore, or a trial, or a tribulation. Whoever the person, you should love them unconditionally. They will have flaws, but a healthy friendship should feel much like a sibling. You see their flaws, you acknowledge their weaknesses, and you embrace them anyway. You encourage and accept the person, scars and all. Love and friendship coincide like Laverne and Shirley. Love and friendship are the best of friends. And one of the best things I've ever done is leave the friendships I don't genuinely want to pursue as they are. If that person is meant to be in your life, they will show up again. Isn't this the same thing with breakups? I recently had a messy breakup myself, and although there are still strong lingering feelings of love and devotion, i know that it's better for the both of us to be apart for the time being. If destiny (this is where I REALLY hope there is some form of God) has determined that you will be with this person again, it will happen.
So how bout that? First blog post. I'm REALLY hoping I will keep this up.
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